Thursday 24 March 2016

A procrastinator's mind

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It has been a week since I came up with the title. Not that I wasn't getting enough time; a weekend passed in between, unproductive days went by, and it's not like I am super busy with something else. I could have plucked 500 bananas from banana trees (obviously!), made a 1:10 detailed prototype of the Eiffel tower, tamed a horse, stripped a car to its constituent parts, and arranged it all back together, taught a hen how to play football, and I would still have had enough time to finish this post in the meantime. But only a fellow procrastinator would know that the most difficult thing for us is to START.

Fellow procrastinators, do not believe people immediately if they say 'OMG I am a procrastinator too..Big time!' Around 80% of the people are pseudo-procrastinators. They are the kind of people who are like 'I totally spend so much time on facebook and instagram, and at work, I spend half the day on whatsapp. I am such a procrastinator!' ; and the same people will tell a procrastinator simply 'not to procrastinate and everything shall be fine'. The fact is, procrastination is not optional, we can't just not procrastinate.


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I am so content sitting around the entire day and doing literally nothing (which involves imagining totally unrealistic scenarios which are never ever going to happen, or even looking at a blank wall most of the day). It's not like I have nothing to do, I have like 15 things planned out for each day, but every time the moment comes, my mind tells me 'start half an hour later'. EVERY SINGLE TIME! At that point I know (from experience mainly) that this is not going to end well and starting out right away is the wise thing to do. But I am powerless, bewithced. Some 'other guy' inside my head calms me down saying 'it is not going to be like last time. We will finish the task in half the time. So we might as well find out what is the most plausible explanation for the disappearances of ships and aircrafts from the Bermuda triangle'. And before I know it, I have the answer to things like why Santa wears a hat, why Neo might not have been the Chosen one at all, and why the golden ratio is just an overhyped myth. Half an hour stretches to 7 hours, 15 tasks get filtered to 4. 

Then I suddenly remember that I need to put my clothes back into the wardrobe, which I had been ignoring for the past five days. Also, the kitchen needs to be put back in order and suddenly the study table seems to be in too much of a clutter to work on. I promise myself that I will start working as soon as I get all of the above done and the 'other guy' is confident of finishing all the 4 remaining tasks, and has even laid out a plan to possibly complete 2 more tasks by the end of the day. By default, I believe him.

I finish all the household work and clean a few more shoes and windows before I finally sit down to work. I realise that I took more time than necessary but well, if not 6, I can at least manage 4 tasks; finishing the additional 2 tasks was a bonus anyway. 

At 7:56 PM, I think 8:00 would be an awesome time to start fresh. So I take 4 minutes to imagine what it would feel like after finishing the remaining tasks. 'Not a very productive day, but at least I 'could' manage something. So if I keep working at this pace, I can totally gain something nice from it. And I can reward myself later with some beer or death by chocolate pancakes. That's unhealthy, but may be from tomorrow I can also work out a little. I'll be all strong and muscular in 3-4 months and may be bash up a few bad guys on the street passing lewd comments on girls. May be if I concentrate a little on how machines work, I can totally get an iron man-like suit and save the world from the zombie apocalypse. I wonder if by then we'll be able to figure out some other planet we can dwell on. The universe works in strange ways, I wonder if I am some kind of a chosen one...'  and on and on and on it goes, till I realise that even if I start now, I won't be able to finish even one task. So I might as well start the next day.


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It's not like I don't feel bad that days after days and years after years have passed by like this. But I always hope the next day is not going to be like the one before, or the ones before that. Things can change, and have too over the years, and I mean for the better. At least a deadline imposed by someone else ignites a blazing fire near the buttocks on the last day, which makes me complete my work at rocket speed. But it always leaves me unsatisfied because I know I could have done so much more and so much better. Being overly optimistic, I am lucky that panic still works for me; some people just freeze at the last moment and their minds just go into a state of total hibernation.

Even though it took me more time than necessary to complete this post after starting it (nearly all day; I also had plans to do some illustrations and learn a few words of Spanish, but well, may be tomorrow), I am happy to get it out of the way. And remember fellow procrastinators, it is tough, but all is not lost. With constant efforts, we can improve our productivity gradually. May be I will write a post on how to go about it, but not today... It is too late to even start!

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